Life's Lessons - How a broken foot helped me to ask for help!

At the beginning of May, I had the calamity of falling off my flip flop, whilst washing the car and broke my foot! (The fifth metatarsal to be exact!)

Cleaning the car is clearly a dangerous sport and from now on I will get a big strong man to do it for me!!

Actually, I should point out at this stage, that whilst I slipped off my flip flop, which in itself, I am unabashed about, it was the second part of the manouvre that finally did the damage - falling down an embankment and rolling over on the foot! Me being me, I thought what a muppet, and assumed I had just badly bruised/sprained it, and pretended like nothing much had happened – typical me. I am not good with illness or injury. Just ask my family! My poor ex-husband was nearly at death’s door, when I made him walk into A & E, with pernicious anaema, that had him barely able to breathe, let alone walk! Or the time, daughter had fallen off her mini bike in the front room and hit her shoulder, I put cold water on it, expecting just a bruise and it wasn’t until I picked her up and she let out such a scream, that I took her to the hospital, holding her out like an offering, begging them to stop the noise, and it turned out she had a dislocated shoulder and then there was the time….actually this list could go on and on, I am not the best person to be around in the event of any personal physical ailment!

In my defense, I treat myself the same, my typical remedies of hot or cold water, or failing that taking to your bed for a sleep didn’t seem to work. I was in agony!! I couldn't put hardly weight on it, and even had to buy some shoes that allowed me to still go out and look reasonably decent whilst containing my foot, which looked just like an elephants! Being a martyr to the cause (?! Which one is yet to be clarified!) a month later, I was still suffering. It was only when someone made a comment about my foot still looking bad. I finally admitted that I had better get myself off to hospital.

Now not one to make life simple for myself, I went to Frimley Park near where I work in Farnham, half expecting them to send me home with a flea in my ear. Can you believe it I even had my car washed (inside and out) whilst I was there, how ironic is that!

They were fabulous to me, and fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long to have it confirmed I had broken it - No wonder it hurt! It turned out that I was not allowed to drive and that meant a stay at home! (I had to ask them not to plaster it there and then and let me go to Winchester, which is closer to me).

How crap did I feel? I love my freedom and spend a great deal of time in my car travelling around seeing family, friends, etc!

Still 3 weeks later and I have learnt a number of very valuable lessons.

I have rarely asked for help, always dealing with everything life throws at me on my own, making me fiercely independent (hence the reaction to being stuck at home and not being able to drive). I have had to ask for and rely on help in getting backwards and forwards to the hospital, shopping, getting out and about and my friends and work colleagues have been absolutely fantastic. I have always felt unhappy about asking for favours, believing I was putting people out in some way.

During this time, someone said to me that in order for a relationship of any type to thrive there has to be not just giving but ‘taking’ or better still receiving, some sort of reciprocal arrangement. Imagine a bank account, where you only ever took money out to pay your bills, eventually it would go overdrawn and would reach a point where you couldn’t give any more. It needs to have some money coming back in. And so with relationships, in order to be able to give, you do need to receive something back in your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual bank or you end up ‘overdrawn’.

This accident was my way of dealing with being ‘overdrawn’.

Besides, doing things for other people that we love and care about makes us feel good, who am I to deprive them of that feeling!

From now on, I will ask a bit more often and it is a lesson that I will need to continually be reminded of, as changing a habit of a lifetime is not necessarily achieved overnight with help - ah! first reminder of asking for help! I will speak to Wendy and she can do some NLP on me!

So if you are one of life’s givers – beware! In order to continue to do that and maintain healthy relationships, you need to be able to receive too. And if this is something you find hard like me? Then maybe you have something that you believe about yourself that needs changing! Just look at the Relish website for limiting beliefs to see how you can do that easily and painlessly.

How to Have a Positive Day

Friday was a brilliant day for me and mostly because when I woke up I made up mind it was going to be one!

I am reading a number of personal development books at the moment, looking at the different ways you can make changes to your life, fortune, health and attitude (well in order to encourage others coming to Relish to make changes, I must be prepared to do the same, now mustn't I?).

Anyway, I read that one way to ensure that you have a good day, is from the moment you wake up, to start to think positively about the day ahead. Of course we are only human and this is not always easy, we wake up tired, feeling poorly, or maybe we have a difficult meeting/appointment ahead. Howver, the suggestion is that even when these days happen, it is possible to think differently about how the day will evolve.

One book, in particular, I have read called " ask and it will be given", has some superb techniques that enable you to start to become more positive in your outlook and setting the days intent is just one of the fantastic offerings in this book.

Now, for the practical and cycnical amongst you, this book may seem a little too airy fairy for you, however, there are still some excellent tips which can make a difference. and regardless of how they really work, all you need to do is carry out the tasks with a belief that something will come of it. (and if you are one of these types, just read section 2 of the book, whilst remembering that in order for success, you have to wholly believe what you are doing, at an emotional, mental, and physical level)

So when I woke this morning thinking, I have not slept much (caffeine the previous day kept me awake), I immediately changed my thinking to "I know I have not had much sleep, (best not to pretend I felt any differently, so acknowledged it) however, I will be able to go to bed early tonight to make up for it, and today I am going to have a great day and have a successful meeting". Now all I did was to change my thinking about the way I approached the day, and maybe my day was already going to be great, however, my attitude and approach can only have made it more so.

The mind is a very complex thing and yet it can be controlled. In fact we should be aware that we have the power to choose the thoughts we have, which can have such an effect on our lives. However, don't be put off if the results are not as you expect immediately, this requires some effort, you will need to be prepared to become more aware of what you are thinking, and, where appropriate, change it, if it is not serving you well.

So next time you feel your life is getting the better of you, or that events are out of your control, then stop and change the way you are thinking about it - you might be surprised at the results!

Mirror! Mirror! On the wall.....

Life has a funny way of letting you know when you have something to learn....

For the past week I have had a couple of challenging moments, where I experienced extreme frustration with others who had not met their committments, or were not taking responsibility for the woes in their business life, choosing instead to complain.

In the Relish world we are great believers of when things are not going well for you then the first thing you need to do is look more closely at yourself - "how can this be" I hear you ask yourself, "it is not my fault things are not going well...."

Well, some years ago when my eldest daughter was just a toddler, we were away on a camping holiday with a group of friends. This one morning she had been particularly trying, to the point that I had to walk away as I was getting really angry with her.

To cool off, I went to one of the other caravans to have a coffee with a friend. She listened to me patiently, as I moaned and complained about how she was winding me up.

When I had finished my ranting, she looked me in the eye and said "What is it about your daughter that is a mirror of yourself?" I looked at her in disbelief, "what on earth do you mean?" I asked. "Well" she said "sometimes, when we get upset with others, it is because they are exhibiting behaviours that are very much like our own, and which we don't really like". My natural response what to deny it, however, a bit later on, after I had reflected on what she had said, I realised that actually there was an element of truth in it. My daughter had indeed been displaying a behaviour that was very much one I had, and certainly it was one I was not happy with - procrastination!

It had a profound effect on me, and changed the way I behaved as a parent. Clearly the events over the past week, have shown me that it remains as true today as it always has. So clearly, remembering this approach, I have to look in what way I am not committing myself and taking responsibility....watch for future blogs to see what I find out!

For help in identifying why you maybe experiencing difficulties with the relationships in your life, look us up on the web to see how we can help you!

Reading Community Event Mar

Wendy and I have been promoting the Reading Community event since October 2006 and on Monday night we had a significant improvement to the numbers attending!

For some reason, Reading seems to be a tough area to crack regarding networking, and we are hoping that our group, which is aimed at the individual, will be significantly different!

Most people attending did not know each other and once initial introductions were over, Wendy and I facilitated the discussions, only where it went quiet - which fortunately for our guests, was rarely (Wendy can talk "a hind leg off a donkey" as my family were apt to say!).

Discussions included global warming and whether this was indeed down to the carbon emissions that we are being led to believe is the key reason for the earth warming up (I believe a Panorama programme challenged this view - for mine I think I might put in another blog!),what we all did, who we would like to meet etc.

Part of what our community event is all about is helping people to meet each other, to have some fun, learn something new and have a gentle introduction to the "Relish way". Our activity on the night was to ask everyone to write down 6 things that they have always wanted to do and have never quite got around to doing. Interestingly, some people struggled with this, not necessarily that there weren't 6 things, it was just that they had never been asked the question before. And Relish is good at that - asking challenging questions that make you think!!

We then asked them to roll a dice and whichever number came up, that was the thing they were to commit to doing sometime during the year. Everyone found the activity interesting and it sparked even more conversation about the choices people had made ie visting Japan, going on Safari, to improving themselves - how fab is that - truly inspiring!!

Anyway, have other events in Basingstoke and Guildford as well and it would be great when we build upon the numbers, so that we can hire a separate room to provide really valuable snippets of information included in our courses, that will be a real value to people coming along!

In the meantime, Wendy and I will be found in various hotels and bars around the south east inviting lots of interesting people to join us as a social occasion, whilst enjoying ourselves at the same time!

Relish on the Town!

Wendy and I are real social animals!

And one of the benefits of working with our clients are the opportunities to socialise with a wide range of people. Our latest jaunt took us to the Foxhills Club & Resort in Ottershaw, Surrey.

They have recently opened a new restaurant and bar called Nineteen and I have to say it was absolutely fabulous. Whilst I did not get to see much of the resort, looking at the website shows that this place has style and I can honestly say their menus were mouth watering - in the words of my business partner " we will come for breakfast, stay for lunch and leave after dinner!"

We arrived at about 7.45, fashionably late, and was met with white, pink and green (?)champagne with canapes - fab! There was a great turnout, and a real buzz in the room. For us, it provided us with plenty of opportunities to network. We met a couple of lovely ladies, one in PR and another who was the photographer for the event and we spent at least half an hour just talking (well we are girls who can talk!) about what each of us did. It is always interesting to find out what other people really do, and what they enjoy - as the saying goes "every person has a story" and this is certainly something I have found.

I am well know for my lack of attention to detail, so it came as no surprise that we completely missed the fact that comedian Mrk Curry was also at the event, and apparantly he is looking to set up a dating agency of some kind - you heard it here first!

For any of you who network regularly, you will know that the social scene is the best place to network and certainly, both Wendy and I managed to do some more over the weekend - talking about our 1:1's and Creating Personal Success courses.

As we had so much fun, we shall be looking for more events where we can enjoy ourselves and talk about our business!