Late last year Wendy and I decided we wanted to write a book about the work that we do, and as I am the "creator" and Wendy is the "completer/finisher" we decided I would write it, and she would then check i had included everything, that the grammar was correct etc. We found a publisher who was interested in what we were doing and all that had to happen was for me to start writing......mmmm... there was the rub! I had to make time for it. Well as great believers in the universe at work, I broke my foot and that presented me with an ideal opportunity to get on and write it......and I have!
The book is all about self development.
The majority of people who come along to see us have some sort of issue that has got to a point where they really WANT to change. Invariably the problem they believe they have, is never the real problem, it is just a symptom of the real problem, and the real problem usually turns out to be something to do with the relationship they have with themselves.
Part of our work is recognizing this and helping them to make the changes they need that make a difference. Invariably, any ‘problems’ we are experiencing, any ‘pain’ or any ‘negative emotions’ (all in inverted commas, as these words mean different things to different people) are just a message from our unconscious that we need to make some sort of change – it is just that we are not tuned into it or don't know what to do about it.
Our book, will help peopole do just that – raise awareness of what needs to be addressed, understand what choices we have and then look to take responsibility to make the changes we need to.
In just under 3 weeks, the first draft is in place and I have just over one more week to go through it and make sure that it is ok so that Wendy can do her bit! How fab is that!
I would prefer of course, not to break a limb everytime something big needs to be done, and so part of taking responsibility, I am going to be very good at setting at least a couple of days a month aside to get on and do stuff that will move the business forward!
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Life's Lessons - How a broken foot helped me to ask for help!
At the beginning of May, I had the calamity of falling off my flip flop, whilst washing the car and broke my foot! (The fifth metatarsal to be exact!)
Cleaning the car is clearly a dangerous sport and from now on I will get a big strong man to do it for me!!
Actually, I should point out at this stage, that whilst I slipped off my flip flop, which in itself, I am unabashed about, it was the second part of the manouvre that finally did the damage - falling down an embankment and rolling over on the foot! Me being me, I thought what a muppet, and assumed I had just badly bruised/sprained it, and pretended like nothing much had happened – typical me. I am not good with illness or injury. Just ask my family! My poor ex-husband was nearly at death’s door, when I made him walk into A & E, with pernicious anaema, that had him barely able to breathe, let alone walk! Or the time, daughter had fallen off her mini bike in the front room and hit her shoulder, I put cold water on it, expecting just a bruise and it wasn’t until I picked her up and she let out such a scream, that I took her to the hospital, holding her out like an offering, begging them to stop the noise, and it turned out she had a dislocated shoulder and then there was the time….actually this list could go on and on, I am not the best person to be around in the event of any personal physical ailment!
In my defense, I treat myself the same, my typical remedies of hot or cold water, or failing that taking to your bed for a sleep didn’t seem to work. I was in agony!! I couldn't put hardly weight on it, and even had to buy some shoes that allowed me to still go out and look reasonably decent whilst containing my foot, which looked just like an elephants! Being a martyr to the cause (?! Which one is yet to be clarified!) a month later, I was still suffering. It was only when someone made a comment about my foot still looking bad. I finally admitted that I had better get myself off to hospital.
Now not one to make life simple for myself, I went to Frimley Park near where I work in Farnham, half expecting them to send me home with a flea in my ear. Can you believe it I even had my car washed (inside and out) whilst I was there, how ironic is that!
They were fabulous to me, and fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long to have it confirmed I had broken it - No wonder it hurt! It turned out that I was not allowed to drive and that meant a stay at home! (I had to ask them not to plaster it there and then and let me go to Winchester, which is closer to me).
How crap did I feel? I love my freedom and spend a great deal of time in my car travelling around seeing family, friends, etc!
Still 3 weeks later and I have learnt a number of very valuable lessons.
I have rarely asked for help, always dealing with everything life throws at me on my own, making me fiercely independent (hence the reaction to being stuck at home and not being able to drive). I have had to ask for and rely on help in getting backwards and forwards to the hospital, shopping, getting out and about and my friends and work colleagues have been absolutely fantastic. I have always felt unhappy about asking for favours, believing I was putting people out in some way.
During this time, someone said to me that in order for a relationship of any type to thrive there has to be not just giving but ‘taking’ or better still receiving, some sort of reciprocal arrangement. Imagine a bank account, where you only ever took money out to pay your bills, eventually it would go overdrawn and would reach a point where you couldn’t give any more. It needs to have some money coming back in. And so with relationships, in order to be able to give, you do need to receive something back in your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual bank or you end up ‘overdrawn’.
This accident was my way of dealing with being ‘overdrawn’.
Besides, doing things for other people that we love and care about makes us feel good, who am I to deprive them of that feeling!
From now on, I will ask a bit more often and it is a lesson that I will need to continually be reminded of, as changing a habit of a lifetime is not necessarily achieved overnight with help - ah! first reminder of asking for help! I will speak to Wendy and she can do some NLP on me!
So if you are one of life’s givers – beware! In order to continue to do that and maintain healthy relationships, you need to be able to receive too. And if this is something you find hard like me? Then maybe you have something that you believe about yourself that needs changing! Just look at the Relish website for limiting beliefs to see how you can do that easily and painlessly.
Cleaning the car is clearly a dangerous sport and from now on I will get a big strong man to do it for me!!
Actually, I should point out at this stage, that whilst I slipped off my flip flop, which in itself, I am unabashed about, it was the second part of the manouvre that finally did the damage - falling down an embankment and rolling over on the foot! Me being me, I thought what a muppet, and assumed I had just badly bruised/sprained it, and pretended like nothing much had happened – typical me. I am not good with illness or injury. Just ask my family! My poor ex-husband was nearly at death’s door, when I made him walk into A & E, with pernicious anaema, that had him barely able to breathe, let alone walk! Or the time, daughter had fallen off her mini bike in the front room and hit her shoulder, I put cold water on it, expecting just a bruise and it wasn’t until I picked her up and she let out such a scream, that I took her to the hospital, holding her out like an offering, begging them to stop the noise, and it turned out she had a dislocated shoulder and then there was the time….actually this list could go on and on, I am not the best person to be around in the event of any personal physical ailment!
In my defense, I treat myself the same, my typical remedies of hot or cold water, or failing that taking to your bed for a sleep didn’t seem to work. I was in agony!! I couldn't put hardly weight on it, and even had to buy some shoes that allowed me to still go out and look reasonably decent whilst containing my foot, which looked just like an elephants! Being a martyr to the cause (?! Which one is yet to be clarified!) a month later, I was still suffering. It was only when someone made a comment about my foot still looking bad. I finally admitted that I had better get myself off to hospital.
Now not one to make life simple for myself, I went to Frimley Park near where I work in Farnham, half expecting them to send me home with a flea in my ear. Can you believe it I even had my car washed (inside and out) whilst I was there, how ironic is that!
They were fabulous to me, and fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long to have it confirmed I had broken it - No wonder it hurt! It turned out that I was not allowed to drive and that meant a stay at home! (I had to ask them not to plaster it there and then and let me go to Winchester, which is closer to me).
How crap did I feel? I love my freedom and spend a great deal of time in my car travelling around seeing family, friends, etc!
Still 3 weeks later and I have learnt a number of very valuable lessons.
I have rarely asked for help, always dealing with everything life throws at me on my own, making me fiercely independent (hence the reaction to being stuck at home and not being able to drive). I have had to ask for and rely on help in getting backwards and forwards to the hospital, shopping, getting out and about and my friends and work colleagues have been absolutely fantastic. I have always felt unhappy about asking for favours, believing I was putting people out in some way.
During this time, someone said to me that in order for a relationship of any type to thrive there has to be not just giving but ‘taking’ or better still receiving, some sort of reciprocal arrangement. Imagine a bank account, where you only ever took money out to pay your bills, eventually it would go overdrawn and would reach a point where you couldn’t give any more. It needs to have some money coming back in. And so with relationships, in order to be able to give, you do need to receive something back in your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual bank or you end up ‘overdrawn’.
This accident was my way of dealing with being ‘overdrawn’.
Besides, doing things for other people that we love and care about makes us feel good, who am I to deprive them of that feeling!
From now on, I will ask a bit more often and it is a lesson that I will need to continually be reminded of, as changing a habit of a lifetime is not necessarily achieved overnight with help - ah! first reminder of asking for help! I will speak to Wendy and she can do some NLP on me!
So if you are one of life’s givers – beware! In order to continue to do that and maintain healthy relationships, you need to be able to receive too. And if this is something you find hard like me? Then maybe you have something that you believe about yourself that needs changing! Just look at the Relish website for limiting beliefs to see how you can do that easily and painlessly.
Sunday, 13 May 2007
How to Have a Positive Day
Friday was a brilliant day for me and mostly because when I woke up I made up mind it was going to be one!
I am reading a number of personal development books at the moment, looking at the different ways you can make changes to your life, fortune, health and attitude (well in order to encourage others coming to Relish to make changes, I must be prepared to do the same, now mustn't I?).
Anyway, I read that one way to ensure that you have a good day, is from the moment you wake up, to start to think positively about the day ahead. Of course we are only human and this is not always easy, we wake up tired, feeling poorly, or maybe we have a difficult meeting/appointment ahead. Howver, the suggestion is that even when these days happen, it is possible to think differently about how the day will evolve.
One book, in particular, I have read called " ask and it will be given", has some superb techniques that enable you to start to become more positive in your outlook and setting the days intent is just one of the fantastic offerings in this book.
Now, for the practical and cycnical amongst you, this book may seem a little too airy fairy for you, however, there are still some excellent tips which can make a difference. and regardless of how they really work, all you need to do is carry out the tasks with a belief that something will come of it. (and if you are one of these types, just read section 2 of the book, whilst remembering that in order for success, you have to wholly believe what you are doing, at an emotional, mental, and physical level)
So when I woke this morning thinking, I have not slept much (caffeine the previous day kept me awake), I immediately changed my thinking to "I know I have not had much sleep, (best not to pretend I felt any differently, so acknowledged it) however, I will be able to go to bed early tonight to make up for it, and today I am going to have a great day and have a successful meeting". Now all I did was to change my thinking about the way I approached the day, and maybe my day was already going to be great, however, my attitude and approach can only have made it more so.
The mind is a very complex thing and yet it can be controlled. In fact we should be aware that we have the power to choose the thoughts we have, which can have such an effect on our lives. However, don't be put off if the results are not as you expect immediately, this requires some effort, you will need to be prepared to become more aware of what you are thinking, and, where appropriate, change it, if it is not serving you well.
So next time you feel your life is getting the better of you, or that events are out of your control, then stop and change the way you are thinking about it - you might be surprised at the results!
I am reading a number of personal development books at the moment, looking at the different ways you can make changes to your life, fortune, health and attitude (well in order to encourage others coming to Relish to make changes, I must be prepared to do the same, now mustn't I?).
Anyway, I read that one way to ensure that you have a good day, is from the moment you wake up, to start to think positively about the day ahead. Of course we are only human and this is not always easy, we wake up tired, feeling poorly, or maybe we have a difficult meeting/appointment ahead. Howver, the suggestion is that even when these days happen, it is possible to think differently about how the day will evolve.
One book, in particular, I have read called " ask and it will be given", has some superb techniques that enable you to start to become more positive in your outlook and setting the days intent is just one of the fantastic offerings in this book.
Now, for the practical and cycnical amongst you, this book may seem a little too airy fairy for you, however, there are still some excellent tips which can make a difference. and regardless of how they really work, all you need to do is carry out the tasks with a belief that something will come of it. (and if you are one of these types, just read section 2 of the book, whilst remembering that in order for success, you have to wholly believe what you are doing, at an emotional, mental, and physical level)
So when I woke this morning thinking, I have not slept much (caffeine the previous day kept me awake), I immediately changed my thinking to "I know I have not had much sleep, (best not to pretend I felt any differently, so acknowledged it) however, I will be able to go to bed early tonight to make up for it, and today I am going to have a great day and have a successful meeting". Now all I did was to change my thinking about the way I approached the day, and maybe my day was already going to be great, however, my attitude and approach can only have made it more so.
The mind is a very complex thing and yet it can be controlled. In fact we should be aware that we have the power to choose the thoughts we have, which can have such an effect on our lives. However, don't be put off if the results are not as you expect immediately, this requires some effort, you will need to be prepared to become more aware of what you are thinking, and, where appropriate, change it, if it is not serving you well.
So next time you feel your life is getting the better of you, or that events are out of your control, then stop and change the way you are thinking about it - you might be surprised at the results!
Thursday, 10 May 2007
Mirror! Mirror! On the wall.....
Life has a funny way of letting you know when you have something to learn....
For the past week I have had a couple of challenging moments, where I experienced extreme frustration with others who had not met their committments, or were not taking responsibility for the woes in their business life, choosing instead to complain.
In the Relish world we are great believers of when things are not going well for you then the first thing you need to do is look more closely at yourself - "how can this be" I hear you ask yourself, "it is not my fault things are not going well...."
Well, some years ago when my eldest daughter was just a toddler, we were away on a camping holiday with a group of friends. This one morning she had been particularly trying, to the point that I had to walk away as I was getting really angry with her.
To cool off, I went to one of the other caravans to have a coffee with a friend. She listened to me patiently, as I moaned and complained about how she was winding me up.
When I had finished my ranting, she looked me in the eye and said "What is it about your daughter that is a mirror of yourself?" I looked at her in disbelief, "what on earth do you mean?" I asked. "Well" she said "sometimes, when we get upset with others, it is because they are exhibiting behaviours that are very much like our own, and which we don't really like". My natural response what to deny it, however, a bit later on, after I had reflected on what she had said, I realised that actually there was an element of truth in it. My daughter had indeed been displaying a behaviour that was very much one I had, and certainly it was one I was not happy with - procrastination!
It had a profound effect on me, and changed the way I behaved as a parent. Clearly the events over the past week, have shown me that it remains as true today as it always has. So clearly, remembering this approach, I have to look in what way I am not committing myself and taking responsibility....watch for future blogs to see what I find out!
For help in identifying why you maybe experiencing difficulties with the relationships in your life, look us up on the web to see how we can help you!
For the past week I have had a couple of challenging moments, where I experienced extreme frustration with others who had not met their committments, or were not taking responsibility for the woes in their business life, choosing instead to complain.
In the Relish world we are great believers of when things are not going well for you then the first thing you need to do is look more closely at yourself - "how can this be" I hear you ask yourself, "it is not my fault things are not going well...."
Well, some years ago when my eldest daughter was just a toddler, we were away on a camping holiday with a group of friends. This one morning she had been particularly trying, to the point that I had to walk away as I was getting really angry with her.
To cool off, I went to one of the other caravans to have a coffee with a friend. She listened to me patiently, as I moaned and complained about how she was winding me up.
When I had finished my ranting, she looked me in the eye and said "What is it about your daughter that is a mirror of yourself?" I looked at her in disbelief, "what on earth do you mean?" I asked. "Well" she said "sometimes, when we get upset with others, it is because they are exhibiting behaviours that are very much like our own, and which we don't really like". My natural response what to deny it, however, a bit later on, after I had reflected on what she had said, I realised that actually there was an element of truth in it. My daughter had indeed been displaying a behaviour that was very much one I had, and certainly it was one I was not happy with - procrastination!
It had a profound effect on me, and changed the way I behaved as a parent. Clearly the events over the past week, have shown me that it remains as true today as it always has. So clearly, remembering this approach, I have to look in what way I am not committing myself and taking responsibility....watch for future blogs to see what I find out!
For help in identifying why you maybe experiencing difficulties with the relationships in your life, look us up on the web to see how we can help you!
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