As you may have by now gathered, I have recently had my plaster removed - Woohoo!!
How fantastic is that? I am now free to go out and get in my car and drive!
And yet, my time spent at home has been quite an interesting one!
I only moved into my current home last October, and even before the contracts were signed, I already knew that my longer term plans meant I would not be there for very long, just until youngest daughter has finished her schooling, so all being well, within the next couple of years.
It made me think about how many times I have moved over the years. Always for some seemingly valid reason - a bigger home, an older place, a place in the country, one in the town etc etc. And actually when I really thought about it, underpining all these moves is a restlessness that I was, until recently, completely unaware of - I was unhappy where I was and was always striving to the future, where everything would be alright.
Wow! I knew that I have always had great plans for the future, where I was going, what I wanted and how I was going to do it (roughly), what I hadn't realised though was I was not living in the 'now'. I was not appreciating what I had at this very moment, as what I had planned was always better! And of course until it happens it is not real, is it?
Of course, living 'now', is much easier said than done, when you have spent a lifetime (or so it feels) looking to the future, but by just bringing your awareness onto what we are doing now....right now, apparantly is a really good start!
What if you don't like where you are? Then at least you are now more aware of what 'it' is doing to you, and if the 'pain' is enough, guess what? You will do something! And if it is just uncomfortable, then you are not ready - your choice, your responsibility.
For me, moving was a way to feel like I was progressing, moving towards to the future I believed would be happier and yet, what I was doing was ignoring the fact I was unhappy.
So watch out! If you are constantly changing jobs, relationships or homes like me, you maybe avoiding something! Call us to arrange a one:one session to see what might be your issue!
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
Monday, 25 June 2007
Music be the food of....
I recently was invited along to my local pub to listen to a band play - the Q-Tones.
I love live music, particularly if it is my favourite stuff such as R & B, soul, funk and jazz.
I have to say this band was extremely good (and well worth going to see!) as they played music to suit all tastes, country, rock n roll, funk, chart etc.
It got me to thinking, music is something that many of us enjoy and our associations with periods in our lives, events or people can be be very strong. Just hearing a piece of music, can literally transform our mood, or take us back instantly - how powerful is that? We all have one record that immediately remind us of a past love, or one that we played over and over again, when we broke up with someone.
I know for me, when I am feeling upbeat, and all is well in the world etc, there is nothing like playing a very loud song in the car and singing at the top of my voice to make me feel alive (I hasten to add, this is only ever when on my own - I am tone deaf, and unlikely to be pleasing to the ear!), or when I am feeling very low, particular songs can make me feel even more sombre, or resonate with my emotions and the way I am feeling to help me work through any difficulties.
I have long threatened to make a couple of CD's for myself, that would put together all those anthems that make me want to celebrate being alive, and use these when I am feeling right up there on top of the world, or just to play when I feeling a little like being cheered up. And then a CD that will reflect that I am going through a difficult patch, and listen to the words of songs, that just sum up where I am, and allow me to just be.....
Let me know what songs inspire you and make you want to just sing along, as it would be great to see what the most popular ones are!
I have a number of songs, and yet sometimes, some of the old ones are the best "We are the champions" by Queen, "New York, New York" Frank Sinatra (that's a great one at the end of a fab evening out on the town isn't it!) and "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
It is possible to change your mood with music - make sure you have your own compilation to give you that little lift, just when you need it!
I love live music, particularly if it is my favourite stuff such as R & B, soul, funk and jazz.
I have to say this band was extremely good (and well worth going to see!) as they played music to suit all tastes, country, rock n roll, funk, chart etc.
It got me to thinking, music is something that many of us enjoy and our associations with periods in our lives, events or people can be be very strong. Just hearing a piece of music, can literally transform our mood, or take us back instantly - how powerful is that? We all have one record that immediately remind us of a past love, or one that we played over and over again, when we broke up with someone.
I know for me, when I am feeling upbeat, and all is well in the world etc, there is nothing like playing a very loud song in the car and singing at the top of my voice to make me feel alive (I hasten to add, this is only ever when on my own - I am tone deaf, and unlikely to be pleasing to the ear!), or when I am feeling very low, particular songs can make me feel even more sombre, or resonate with my emotions and the way I am feeling to help me work through any difficulties.
I have long threatened to make a couple of CD's for myself, that would put together all those anthems that make me want to celebrate being alive, and use these when I am feeling right up there on top of the world, or just to play when I feeling a little like being cheered up. And then a CD that will reflect that I am going through a difficult patch, and listen to the words of songs, that just sum up where I am, and allow me to just be.....
Let me know what songs inspire you and make you want to just sing along, as it would be great to see what the most popular ones are!
I have a number of songs, and yet sometimes, some of the old ones are the best "We are the champions" by Queen, "New York, New York" Frank Sinatra (that's a great one at the end of a fab evening out on the town isn't it!) and "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
It is possible to change your mood with music - make sure you have your own compilation to give you that little lift, just when you need it!
Thursday, 21 June 2007
I am confident...aren't I?
I have just had my plaster removed - Woohoo!!
How fantastic is that? I am now free to go out and get in my car and drive!
And yet...I am nervous about driving, when my foot still feels like it has 'gone to sleep' - you know that sensation you get when you have been sat on your leg/foot for a while and when you get up, you can barely feel anything!
Of course, this is just about confidence, a small attack of doubt about my abilities to get into the car and operate said foot easily - I just need to give it a few hours to get used to being 'free' and I will be away.
It reminded me though - confidence? Where does a lack of self confidence come from? And how can you build self confidence?
Firstly, I need to be clear here - self confidence is not the same as self esteem - self esteem is what you believe about yourself and is internal, whereas for me confidence is more about behavioural reaction to external events and is more a sub set of self esteem.
So when I was asked to speak at Networking South recently on the subject of Confidence Drainers and the talk I gave was primarily about adopting some strategies to overcome confidence drainers, and my experience, albeit short, is typical of someone who normally has bags of confidence, suddenly being not so sure!
When I sat down to think about what I was going to say, I decided to tell a story, which would show how much of our confidence is formed during our early years, from those who were influential in our upbringing and our own experiences, that whilst on the whole most of us are fortunate enough to feel confident in at least one area of our lives, we are all susceptible to the odd pangs of 'can I do this?'
The Story is obviously exaggerated to get across a message, although I am sure that it maybe true for some people, and yet it seeks to demonstrate where low and poor self confidence can originate.
The Relish message is all about taking responsibility for ourselves when things make us unhappy, or something seems very hard to achieve.
For a couple of strategies to handle a lack of confidence, or for NLP, hypnosis and life coaching for personal development and for the all round happiness factor in general please take a look at our website
Please read on for the story....
Tom is a 54 year old married man with grown up children and he is a supervisor in an engineering company.
Until today, he has considered his life to be reasonably satisfying, he has a loving wife, his 3 grown up children are now themselves living their own successful lives, and he has always been fortunate with work, earning a reasonable income - until today.
Today, he has been called into see the boss and he already senses something is wrong. As he walks in he can see that his boss' face is looking fixed and somewhat grim. He is keen to remain calm and takes a seat, himself putting on a fixed look.
"Tom, I am really sorry to have to tell you this" says his boss, Tom doesn't hear the rest, the word redundancy was enough. He is already thinking ahead "what will I say to my wife? How am I going to get another job at my age?" How am I going to pay the mortgage?" " I am not sure what I am going to do? I am not surprised they chose me at my age."
As he gets up to leave, his life has just been turned upside down, and he doesn't known what to do. ....a coffee and cigarette is just what he needs, so he wanders down to the coffee machine.
As he sips his hot instant coffee and takes a drag from his cigarette,(prior to the new no smoking regulations of course!) he begins to think about how he came to this point. His whole life has been with this company and whilst he knows that this is unusual these days, he also knows he has much more to offer an employer. How different his life has turned out, compared to the boyhood dreams he had all those years ago.
So what did happen to Tom? It all started at the moment he was born.
Cast your mind back if you will, to 1953. Tom is just a few hours old. As a young infant, he has no expectations, no understanding of what is expected of him, no idea of what is right or wrong, good or bad. All he knows is how to respond to his bodies needs of sleep, hunger, warmth and dryness.
As he becomes a toddler, he is now running around and doing what all little children do - he explores his surroundings. And his parents begin to tell him "You've fallen over, you clumsy thing" "Careful Tom, you will break that" "Tom you naughty boy..." and Tom took it on.
Tom starts school, and finds that he is teased for his red hair and is called various names such as "carrot top", as he works his way through school the teachers also comment on who he is "he is good at maths and science, but could do better" "Tom will never get on, if he doesn't make an effort" and Tom took it on.
Tom eventually starts his first job as an apprentice engineer. Not only is he learning a new job, he is suddenly learning what it is to be an adult, earning money and being responsible for himself. This is a tough time for any youngster and Tom is no different. His role as an apprentice is a tough one and it comes as no surprise to him, when he is told " how careless" he is when he makes a mistake, "what do you think you are doing?" when he works on his initiative. And Tom took it on.
Throughout his life, Tom has had people passing comments and judgement on what he does, how well he does it and on who he is. Some were meant in a caring way, and yet Tom doesn't know this. Tom only hears the criticism and how he is not good enough.
This has eaten away at his confidence and to avoid hearing it he has learnt to stay within his comfort zones and only do what he knows he is good at. As a result, he has not made the progress he wanted to and his confidence in his own abilities has been affected.
So Tom is now faced with redundancy....we are each, masters of our own destiny, and whilst redundancy is always a knock to our self confidence, it is also a great opportunity for reflection, self development in order to go on and achieve success somewhere else!
How fantastic is that? I am now free to go out and get in my car and drive!
And yet...I am nervous about driving, when my foot still feels like it has 'gone to sleep' - you know that sensation you get when you have been sat on your leg/foot for a while and when you get up, you can barely feel anything!
Of course, this is just about confidence, a small attack of doubt about my abilities to get into the car and operate said foot easily - I just need to give it a few hours to get used to being 'free' and I will be away.
It reminded me though - confidence? Where does a lack of self confidence come from? And how can you build self confidence?
Firstly, I need to be clear here - self confidence is not the same as self esteem - self esteem is what you believe about yourself and is internal, whereas for me confidence is more about behavioural reaction to external events and is more a sub set of self esteem.
So when I was asked to speak at Networking South recently on the subject of Confidence Drainers and the talk I gave was primarily about adopting some strategies to overcome confidence drainers, and my experience, albeit short, is typical of someone who normally has bags of confidence, suddenly being not so sure!
When I sat down to think about what I was going to say, I decided to tell a story, which would show how much of our confidence is formed during our early years, from those who were influential in our upbringing and our own experiences, that whilst on the whole most of us are fortunate enough to feel confident in at least one area of our lives, we are all susceptible to the odd pangs of 'can I do this?'
The Story is obviously exaggerated to get across a message, although I am sure that it maybe true for some people, and yet it seeks to demonstrate where low and poor self confidence can originate.
The Relish message is all about taking responsibility for ourselves when things make us unhappy, or something seems very hard to achieve.
For a couple of strategies to handle a lack of confidence, or for NLP, hypnosis and life coaching for personal development and for the all round happiness factor in general please take a look at our website
Please read on for the story....
Tom is a 54 year old married man with grown up children and he is a supervisor in an engineering company.
Until today, he has considered his life to be reasonably satisfying, he has a loving wife, his 3 grown up children are now themselves living their own successful lives, and he has always been fortunate with work, earning a reasonable income - until today.
Today, he has been called into see the boss and he already senses something is wrong. As he walks in he can see that his boss' face is looking fixed and somewhat grim. He is keen to remain calm and takes a seat, himself putting on a fixed look.
"Tom, I am really sorry to have to tell you this" says his boss, Tom doesn't hear the rest, the word redundancy was enough. He is already thinking ahead "what will I say to my wife? How am I going to get another job at my age?" How am I going to pay the mortgage?" " I am not sure what I am going to do? I am not surprised they chose me at my age."
As he gets up to leave, his life has just been turned upside down, and he doesn't known what to do. ....a coffee and cigarette is just what he needs, so he wanders down to the coffee machine.
As he sips his hot instant coffee and takes a drag from his cigarette,(prior to the new no smoking regulations of course!) he begins to think about how he came to this point. His whole life has been with this company and whilst he knows that this is unusual these days, he also knows he has much more to offer an employer. How different his life has turned out, compared to the boyhood dreams he had all those years ago.
So what did happen to Tom? It all started at the moment he was born.
Cast your mind back if you will, to 1953. Tom is just a few hours old. As a young infant, he has no expectations, no understanding of what is expected of him, no idea of what is right or wrong, good or bad. All he knows is how to respond to his bodies needs of sleep, hunger, warmth and dryness.
As he becomes a toddler, he is now running around and doing what all little children do - he explores his surroundings. And his parents begin to tell him "You've fallen over, you clumsy thing" "Careful Tom, you will break that" "Tom you naughty boy..." and Tom took it on.
Tom starts school, and finds that he is teased for his red hair and is called various names such as "carrot top", as he works his way through school the teachers also comment on who he is "he is good at maths and science, but could do better" "Tom will never get on, if he doesn't make an effort" and Tom took it on.
Tom eventually starts his first job as an apprentice engineer. Not only is he learning a new job, he is suddenly learning what it is to be an adult, earning money and being responsible for himself. This is a tough time for any youngster and Tom is no different. His role as an apprentice is a tough one and it comes as no surprise to him, when he is told " how careless" he is when he makes a mistake, "what do you think you are doing?" when he works on his initiative. And Tom took it on.
Throughout his life, Tom has had people passing comments and judgement on what he does, how well he does it and on who he is. Some were meant in a caring way, and yet Tom doesn't know this. Tom only hears the criticism and how he is not good enough.
This has eaten away at his confidence and to avoid hearing it he has learnt to stay within his comfort zones and only do what he knows he is good at. As a result, he has not made the progress he wanted to and his confidence in his own abilities has been affected.
So Tom is now faced with redundancy....we are each, masters of our own destiny, and whilst redundancy is always a knock to our self confidence, it is also a great opportunity for reflection, self development in order to go on and achieve success somewhere else!
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Time out! Work/Life Balance under Scrutiny!
Well the broken foot is healing nicely, and I am now out of plaster!
Wendy and I are great believers in things happening for a reason, and besides the lesson of allowing others to help out, the accident has also given me time out to think more about how I am living my life.
I have been a workaholic for longer than I care to remember and since meeting Wendy have recognised that I still have had an overwhelming inner drive that occasionally results in ‘burn out’, where I just need some time to myself.
I recall during my corporate days working for a couple of global data/IT companies in Basingstoke & Slough, that most of us felt compelled to work long hours, very often taking work home with us, staying in the office late (9pm was not unheard of and sometimes later!), missing lunchtimes etc and yet there was always more to do.
We each had our own personal motivations for doing this, for some of us it was the satisfaction of a job well done, for others it was the career progression and personal development prospects, for some a fear of their productivity levels, and for others just a desire to avoid letting the side down and each reason was absolutely valid for each person.
What is underlying these motivations?
For me, it was fear. Fear of failure (I had low self esteem and confidence, believing everyone was better than me)and also, knowing that I was the breadwinner of the family, so there was a responsibility to make sure that I was earning well.
Since going out on my own, I have addressed the fear of failure, with a mixture of NLP and hypnosis, which has also meant that I no longer worry so much about the money knowing that it will always work out for me.
So my broken foot was just a great opportunity to take a long, hard look at how I approach my working life now and with some objectivity – to see some of the superficiality of some of the tasks I was doing, recognising the ones I disliked and have actually enjoyed not doing, and the things I love and like and have still managed to do, even from home.
I believe those who work long hours, need to look very closely at what they are striving to achieve. Is it success? Personal growth? Happiness? Money? or maybe it is a fear of something? Avoiding something?
Being aware is the first step in addressing a problem, and one of my recommendations if you are feeling under pressure to work long hours, is to take a long hard look at what is behind it.
We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we are looking after number 1 - us! It is a bit like a bank account, if you always make withdrawals and never pay in, eventually you will go overdrawn. Similarly, if you always invest heavily in your work life and pay scant attention to you, there will be a price to pay!
Remember, no-one is indispensable, so start to be kind to yourself and recognise that whilst work is important, so are you!
Wendy and I are great believers in things happening for a reason, and besides the lesson of allowing others to help out, the accident has also given me time out to think more about how I am living my life.
I have been a workaholic for longer than I care to remember and since meeting Wendy have recognised that I still have had an overwhelming inner drive that occasionally results in ‘burn out’, where I just need some time to myself.
I recall during my corporate days working for a couple of global data/IT companies in Basingstoke & Slough, that most of us felt compelled to work long hours, very often taking work home with us, staying in the office late (9pm was not unheard of and sometimes later!), missing lunchtimes etc and yet there was always more to do.
We each had our own personal motivations for doing this, for some of us it was the satisfaction of a job well done, for others it was the career progression and personal development prospects, for some a fear of their productivity levels, and for others just a desire to avoid letting the side down and each reason was absolutely valid for each person.
What is underlying these motivations?
For me, it was fear. Fear of failure (I had low self esteem and confidence, believing everyone was better than me)and also, knowing that I was the breadwinner of the family, so there was a responsibility to make sure that I was earning well.
Since going out on my own, I have addressed the fear of failure, with a mixture of NLP and hypnosis, which has also meant that I no longer worry so much about the money knowing that it will always work out for me.
So my broken foot was just a great opportunity to take a long, hard look at how I approach my working life now and with some objectivity – to see some of the superficiality of some of the tasks I was doing, recognising the ones I disliked and have actually enjoyed not doing, and the things I love and like and have still managed to do, even from home.
I believe those who work long hours, need to look very closely at what they are striving to achieve. Is it success? Personal growth? Happiness? Money? or maybe it is a fear of something? Avoiding something?
Being aware is the first step in addressing a problem, and one of my recommendations if you are feeling under pressure to work long hours, is to take a long hard look at what is behind it.
We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we are looking after number 1 - us! It is a bit like a bank account, if you always make withdrawals and never pay in, eventually you will go overdrawn. Similarly, if you always invest heavily in your work life and pay scant attention to you, there will be a price to pay!
Remember, no-one is indispensable, so start to be kind to yourself and recognise that whilst work is important, so are you!
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