I recently was invited along to my local pub to listen to a band play - the Q-Tones.
I love live music, particularly if it is my favourite stuff such as R & B, soul, funk and jazz.
I have to say this band was extremely good (and well worth going to see!) as they played music to suit all tastes, country, rock n roll, funk, chart etc.
It got me to thinking, music is something that many of us enjoy and our associations with periods in our lives, events or people can be be very strong. Just hearing a piece of music, can literally transform our mood, or take us back instantly - how powerful is that? We all have one record that immediately remind us of a past love, or one that we played over and over again, when we broke up with someone.
I know for me, when I am feeling upbeat, and all is well in the world etc, there is nothing like playing a very loud song in the car and singing at the top of my voice to make me feel alive (I hasten to add, this is only ever when on my own - I am tone deaf, and unlikely to be pleasing to the ear!), or when I am feeling very low, particular songs can make me feel even more sombre, or resonate with my emotions and the way I am feeling to help me work through any difficulties.
I have long threatened to make a couple of CD's for myself, that would put together all those anthems that make me want to celebrate being alive, and use these when I am feeling right up there on top of the world, or just to play when I feeling a little like being cheered up. And then a CD that will reflect that I am going through a difficult patch, and listen to the words of songs, that just sum up where I am, and allow me to just be.....
Let me know what songs inspire you and make you want to just sing along, as it would be great to see what the most popular ones are!
I have a number of songs, and yet sometimes, some of the old ones are the best "We are the champions" by Queen, "New York, New York" Frank Sinatra (that's a great one at the end of a fab evening out on the town isn't it!) and "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
It is possible to change your mood with music - make sure you have your own compilation to give you that little lift, just when you need it!
Monday 25 June 2007
Thursday 21 June 2007
I am confident...aren't I?
I have just had my plaster removed - Woohoo!!
How fantastic is that? I am now free to go out and get in my car and drive!
And yet...I am nervous about driving, when my foot still feels like it has 'gone to sleep' - you know that sensation you get when you have been sat on your leg/foot for a while and when you get up, you can barely feel anything!
Of course, this is just about confidence, a small attack of doubt about my abilities to get into the car and operate said foot easily - I just need to give it a few hours to get used to being 'free' and I will be away.
It reminded me though - confidence? Where does a lack of self confidence come from? And how can you build self confidence?
Firstly, I need to be clear here - self confidence is not the same as self esteem - self esteem is what you believe about yourself and is internal, whereas for me confidence is more about behavioural reaction to external events and is more a sub set of self esteem.
So when I was asked to speak at Networking South recently on the subject of Confidence Drainers and the talk I gave was primarily about adopting some strategies to overcome confidence drainers, and my experience, albeit short, is typical of someone who normally has bags of confidence, suddenly being not so sure!
When I sat down to think about what I was going to say, I decided to tell a story, which would show how much of our confidence is formed during our early years, from those who were influential in our upbringing and our own experiences, that whilst on the whole most of us are fortunate enough to feel confident in at least one area of our lives, we are all susceptible to the odd pangs of 'can I do this?'
The Story is obviously exaggerated to get across a message, although I am sure that it maybe true for some people, and yet it seeks to demonstrate where low and poor self confidence can originate.
The Relish message is all about taking responsibility for ourselves when things make us unhappy, or something seems very hard to achieve.
For a couple of strategies to handle a lack of confidence, or for NLP, hypnosis and life coaching for personal development and for the all round happiness factor in general please take a look at our website
Please read on for the story....
Tom is a 54 year old married man with grown up children and he is a supervisor in an engineering company.
Until today, he has considered his life to be reasonably satisfying, he has a loving wife, his 3 grown up children are now themselves living their own successful lives, and he has always been fortunate with work, earning a reasonable income - until today.
Today, he has been called into see the boss and he already senses something is wrong. As he walks in he can see that his boss' face is looking fixed and somewhat grim. He is keen to remain calm and takes a seat, himself putting on a fixed look.
"Tom, I am really sorry to have to tell you this" says his boss, Tom doesn't hear the rest, the word redundancy was enough. He is already thinking ahead "what will I say to my wife? How am I going to get another job at my age?" How am I going to pay the mortgage?" " I am not sure what I am going to do? I am not surprised they chose me at my age."
As he gets up to leave, his life has just been turned upside down, and he doesn't known what to do. ....a coffee and cigarette is just what he needs, so he wanders down to the coffee machine.
As he sips his hot instant coffee and takes a drag from his cigarette,(prior to the new no smoking regulations of course!) he begins to think about how he came to this point. His whole life has been with this company and whilst he knows that this is unusual these days, he also knows he has much more to offer an employer. How different his life has turned out, compared to the boyhood dreams he had all those years ago.
So what did happen to Tom? It all started at the moment he was born.
Cast your mind back if you will, to 1953. Tom is just a few hours old. As a young infant, he has no expectations, no understanding of what is expected of him, no idea of what is right or wrong, good or bad. All he knows is how to respond to his bodies needs of sleep, hunger, warmth and dryness.
As he becomes a toddler, he is now running around and doing what all little children do - he explores his surroundings. And his parents begin to tell him "You've fallen over, you clumsy thing" "Careful Tom, you will break that" "Tom you naughty boy..." and Tom took it on.
Tom starts school, and finds that he is teased for his red hair and is called various names such as "carrot top", as he works his way through school the teachers also comment on who he is "he is good at maths and science, but could do better" "Tom will never get on, if he doesn't make an effort" and Tom took it on.
Tom eventually starts his first job as an apprentice engineer. Not only is he learning a new job, he is suddenly learning what it is to be an adult, earning money and being responsible for himself. This is a tough time for any youngster and Tom is no different. His role as an apprentice is a tough one and it comes as no surprise to him, when he is told " how careless" he is when he makes a mistake, "what do you think you are doing?" when he works on his initiative. And Tom took it on.
Throughout his life, Tom has had people passing comments and judgement on what he does, how well he does it and on who he is. Some were meant in a caring way, and yet Tom doesn't know this. Tom only hears the criticism and how he is not good enough.
This has eaten away at his confidence and to avoid hearing it he has learnt to stay within his comfort zones and only do what he knows he is good at. As a result, he has not made the progress he wanted to and his confidence in his own abilities has been affected.
So Tom is now faced with redundancy....we are each, masters of our own destiny, and whilst redundancy is always a knock to our self confidence, it is also a great opportunity for reflection, self development in order to go on and achieve success somewhere else!
How fantastic is that? I am now free to go out and get in my car and drive!
And yet...I am nervous about driving, when my foot still feels like it has 'gone to sleep' - you know that sensation you get when you have been sat on your leg/foot for a while and when you get up, you can barely feel anything!
Of course, this is just about confidence, a small attack of doubt about my abilities to get into the car and operate said foot easily - I just need to give it a few hours to get used to being 'free' and I will be away.
It reminded me though - confidence? Where does a lack of self confidence come from? And how can you build self confidence?
Firstly, I need to be clear here - self confidence is not the same as self esteem - self esteem is what you believe about yourself and is internal, whereas for me confidence is more about behavioural reaction to external events and is more a sub set of self esteem.
So when I was asked to speak at Networking South recently on the subject of Confidence Drainers and the talk I gave was primarily about adopting some strategies to overcome confidence drainers, and my experience, albeit short, is typical of someone who normally has bags of confidence, suddenly being not so sure!
When I sat down to think about what I was going to say, I decided to tell a story, which would show how much of our confidence is formed during our early years, from those who were influential in our upbringing and our own experiences, that whilst on the whole most of us are fortunate enough to feel confident in at least one area of our lives, we are all susceptible to the odd pangs of 'can I do this?'
The Story is obviously exaggerated to get across a message, although I am sure that it maybe true for some people, and yet it seeks to demonstrate where low and poor self confidence can originate.
The Relish message is all about taking responsibility for ourselves when things make us unhappy, or something seems very hard to achieve.
For a couple of strategies to handle a lack of confidence, or for NLP, hypnosis and life coaching for personal development and for the all round happiness factor in general please take a look at our website
Please read on for the story....
Tom is a 54 year old married man with grown up children and he is a supervisor in an engineering company.
Until today, he has considered his life to be reasonably satisfying, he has a loving wife, his 3 grown up children are now themselves living their own successful lives, and he has always been fortunate with work, earning a reasonable income - until today.
Today, he has been called into see the boss and he already senses something is wrong. As he walks in he can see that his boss' face is looking fixed and somewhat grim. He is keen to remain calm and takes a seat, himself putting on a fixed look.
"Tom, I am really sorry to have to tell you this" says his boss, Tom doesn't hear the rest, the word redundancy was enough. He is already thinking ahead "what will I say to my wife? How am I going to get another job at my age?" How am I going to pay the mortgage?" " I am not sure what I am going to do? I am not surprised they chose me at my age."
As he gets up to leave, his life has just been turned upside down, and he doesn't known what to do. ....a coffee and cigarette is just what he needs, so he wanders down to the coffee machine.
As he sips his hot instant coffee and takes a drag from his cigarette,(prior to the new no smoking regulations of course!) he begins to think about how he came to this point. His whole life has been with this company and whilst he knows that this is unusual these days, he also knows he has much more to offer an employer. How different his life has turned out, compared to the boyhood dreams he had all those years ago.
So what did happen to Tom? It all started at the moment he was born.
Cast your mind back if you will, to 1953. Tom is just a few hours old. As a young infant, he has no expectations, no understanding of what is expected of him, no idea of what is right or wrong, good or bad. All he knows is how to respond to his bodies needs of sleep, hunger, warmth and dryness.
As he becomes a toddler, he is now running around and doing what all little children do - he explores his surroundings. And his parents begin to tell him "You've fallen over, you clumsy thing" "Careful Tom, you will break that" "Tom you naughty boy..." and Tom took it on.
Tom starts school, and finds that he is teased for his red hair and is called various names such as "carrot top", as he works his way through school the teachers also comment on who he is "he is good at maths and science, but could do better" "Tom will never get on, if he doesn't make an effort" and Tom took it on.
Tom eventually starts his first job as an apprentice engineer. Not only is he learning a new job, he is suddenly learning what it is to be an adult, earning money and being responsible for himself. This is a tough time for any youngster and Tom is no different. His role as an apprentice is a tough one and it comes as no surprise to him, when he is told " how careless" he is when he makes a mistake, "what do you think you are doing?" when he works on his initiative. And Tom took it on.
Throughout his life, Tom has had people passing comments and judgement on what he does, how well he does it and on who he is. Some were meant in a caring way, and yet Tom doesn't know this. Tom only hears the criticism and how he is not good enough.
This has eaten away at his confidence and to avoid hearing it he has learnt to stay within his comfort zones and only do what he knows he is good at. As a result, he has not made the progress he wanted to and his confidence in his own abilities has been affected.
So Tom is now faced with redundancy....we are each, masters of our own destiny, and whilst redundancy is always a knock to our self confidence, it is also a great opportunity for reflection, self development in order to go on and achieve success somewhere else!
Sunday 17 June 2007
Lewis Hamilton & The difference confidence can make
I have just watched Lewis come 1st in the latest Grand Prix in Indianapolis (not sure if that is the correct spelling, but hey ho!) and what a star performer!
I have always been interested in cars and speed, and last week tuned into the Canadian Grand Prix and saw Lewis come first. The reports on this rising star were absolutely fantastic and he is so young!
Interestingly, an interview described him as believing that he has incredible confidence in his abilities. How much difference this can make to your performance! Lewis clearly believes in himself, and his abilities, to drive so close to the wall to gain the edge over the other drivers, shows how much he has.
This is a lesson to us all, the impossible is only impossible in our minds. Confidence in ourselves is an important factor in how well we do and if we truly believe that we can achieve what we want and have the confidence to see it through, then who knows what we are really capable of!
It is incredibly how well he has done in such a short amount of time. Like many others in the UK, I shall be supporting him through the season, along with his team mate fernando Alonso, who contributed to making the race a real nail biter and very interesting!
Well done to both of them!!
I have always been interested in cars and speed, and last week tuned into the Canadian Grand Prix and saw Lewis come first. The reports on this rising star were absolutely fantastic and he is so young!
Interestingly, an interview described him as believing that he has incredible confidence in his abilities. How much difference this can make to your performance! Lewis clearly believes in himself, and his abilities, to drive so close to the wall to gain the edge over the other drivers, shows how much he has.
This is a lesson to us all, the impossible is only impossible in our minds. Confidence in ourselves is an important factor in how well we do and if we truly believe that we can achieve what we want and have the confidence to see it through, then who knows what we are really capable of!
It is incredibly how well he has done in such a short amount of time. Like many others in the UK, I shall be supporting him through the season, along with his team mate fernando Alonso, who contributed to making the race a real nail biter and very interesting!
Well done to both of them!!
Relish Book - Our Approach to Lifes Lessons
Late last year Wendy and I decided we wanted to write a book about the work that we do, and as I am the "creator" and Wendy is the "completer/finisher" we decided I would write it, and she would then check i had included everything, that the grammar was correct etc. We found a publisher who was interested in what we were doing and all that had to happen was for me to start writing......mmmm... there was the rub! I had to make time for it. Well as great believers in the universe at work, I broke my foot and that presented me with an ideal opportunity to get on and write it......and I have!
The book is all about self development.
The majority of people who come along to see us have some sort of issue that has got to a point where they really WANT to change. Invariably the problem they believe they have, is never the real problem, it is just a symptom of the real problem, and the real problem usually turns out to be something to do with the relationship they have with themselves.
Part of our work is recognizing this and helping them to make the changes they need that make a difference. Invariably, any ‘problems’ we are experiencing, any ‘pain’ or any ‘negative emotions’ (all in inverted commas, as these words mean different things to different people) are just a message from our unconscious that we need to make some sort of change – it is just that we are not tuned into it or don't know what to do about it.
Our book, will help peopole do just that – raise awareness of what needs to be addressed, understand what choices we have and then look to take responsibility to make the changes we need to.
In just under 3 weeks, the first draft is in place and I have just over one more week to go through it and make sure that it is ok so that Wendy can do her bit! How fab is that!
I would prefer of course, not to break a limb everytime something big needs to be done, and so part of taking responsibility, I am going to be very good at setting at least a couple of days a month aside to get on and do stuff that will move the business forward!
The book is all about self development.
The majority of people who come along to see us have some sort of issue that has got to a point where they really WANT to change. Invariably the problem they believe they have, is never the real problem, it is just a symptom of the real problem, and the real problem usually turns out to be something to do with the relationship they have with themselves.
Part of our work is recognizing this and helping them to make the changes they need that make a difference. Invariably, any ‘problems’ we are experiencing, any ‘pain’ or any ‘negative emotions’ (all in inverted commas, as these words mean different things to different people) are just a message from our unconscious that we need to make some sort of change – it is just that we are not tuned into it or don't know what to do about it.
Our book, will help peopole do just that – raise awareness of what needs to be addressed, understand what choices we have and then look to take responsibility to make the changes we need to.
In just under 3 weeks, the first draft is in place and I have just over one more week to go through it and make sure that it is ok so that Wendy can do her bit! How fab is that!
I would prefer of course, not to break a limb everytime something big needs to be done, and so part of taking responsibility, I am going to be very good at setting at least a couple of days a month aside to get on and do stuff that will move the business forward!
Time out! Work/Life Balance under Scrutiny!
Well the broken foot is healing nicely, and I am now out of plaster!
Wendy and I are great believers in things happening for a reason, and besides the lesson of allowing others to help out, the accident has also given me time out to think more about how I am living my life.
I have been a workaholic for longer than I care to remember and since meeting Wendy have recognised that I still have had an overwhelming inner drive that occasionally results in ‘burn out’, where I just need some time to myself.
I recall during my corporate days working for a couple of global data/IT companies in Basingstoke & Slough, that most of us felt compelled to work long hours, very often taking work home with us, staying in the office late (9pm was not unheard of and sometimes later!), missing lunchtimes etc and yet there was always more to do.
We each had our own personal motivations for doing this, for some of us it was the satisfaction of a job well done, for others it was the career progression and personal development prospects, for some a fear of their productivity levels, and for others just a desire to avoid letting the side down and each reason was absolutely valid for each person.
What is underlying these motivations?
For me, it was fear. Fear of failure (I had low self esteem and confidence, believing everyone was better than me)and also, knowing that I was the breadwinner of the family, so there was a responsibility to make sure that I was earning well.
Since going out on my own, I have addressed the fear of failure, with a mixture of NLP and hypnosis, which has also meant that I no longer worry so much about the money knowing that it will always work out for me.
So my broken foot was just a great opportunity to take a long, hard look at how I approach my working life now and with some objectivity – to see some of the superficiality of some of the tasks I was doing, recognising the ones I disliked and have actually enjoyed not doing, and the things I love and like and have still managed to do, even from home.
I believe those who work long hours, need to look very closely at what they are striving to achieve. Is it success? Personal growth? Happiness? Money? or maybe it is a fear of something? Avoiding something?
Being aware is the first step in addressing a problem, and one of my recommendations if you are feeling under pressure to work long hours, is to take a long hard look at what is behind it.
We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we are looking after number 1 - us! It is a bit like a bank account, if you always make withdrawals and never pay in, eventually you will go overdrawn. Similarly, if you always invest heavily in your work life and pay scant attention to you, there will be a price to pay!
Remember, no-one is indispensable, so start to be kind to yourself and recognise that whilst work is important, so are you!
Wendy and I are great believers in things happening for a reason, and besides the lesson of allowing others to help out, the accident has also given me time out to think more about how I am living my life.
I have been a workaholic for longer than I care to remember and since meeting Wendy have recognised that I still have had an overwhelming inner drive that occasionally results in ‘burn out’, where I just need some time to myself.
I recall during my corporate days working for a couple of global data/IT companies in Basingstoke & Slough, that most of us felt compelled to work long hours, very often taking work home with us, staying in the office late (9pm was not unheard of and sometimes later!), missing lunchtimes etc and yet there was always more to do.
We each had our own personal motivations for doing this, for some of us it was the satisfaction of a job well done, for others it was the career progression and personal development prospects, for some a fear of their productivity levels, and for others just a desire to avoid letting the side down and each reason was absolutely valid for each person.
What is underlying these motivations?
For me, it was fear. Fear of failure (I had low self esteem and confidence, believing everyone was better than me)and also, knowing that I was the breadwinner of the family, so there was a responsibility to make sure that I was earning well.
Since going out on my own, I have addressed the fear of failure, with a mixture of NLP and hypnosis, which has also meant that I no longer worry so much about the money knowing that it will always work out for me.
So my broken foot was just a great opportunity to take a long, hard look at how I approach my working life now and with some objectivity – to see some of the superficiality of some of the tasks I was doing, recognising the ones I disliked and have actually enjoyed not doing, and the things I love and like and have still managed to do, even from home.
I believe those who work long hours, need to look very closely at what they are striving to achieve. Is it success? Personal growth? Happiness? Money? or maybe it is a fear of something? Avoiding something?
Being aware is the first step in addressing a problem, and one of my recommendations if you are feeling under pressure to work long hours, is to take a long hard look at what is behind it.
We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we are looking after number 1 - us! It is a bit like a bank account, if you always make withdrawals and never pay in, eventually you will go overdrawn. Similarly, if you always invest heavily in your work life and pay scant attention to you, there will be a price to pay!
Remember, no-one is indispensable, so start to be kind to yourself and recognise that whilst work is important, so are you!
Life's Lessons - How a broken foot helped me to ask for help!
At the beginning of May, I had the calamity of falling off my flip flop, whilst washing the car and broke my foot! (The fifth metatarsal to be exact!)
Cleaning the car is clearly a dangerous sport and from now on I will get a big strong man to do it for me!!
Actually, I should point out at this stage, that whilst I slipped off my flip flop, which in itself, I am unabashed about, it was the second part of the manouvre that finally did the damage - falling down an embankment and rolling over on the foot! Me being me, I thought what a muppet, and assumed I had just badly bruised/sprained it, and pretended like nothing much had happened – typical me. I am not good with illness or injury. Just ask my family! My poor ex-husband was nearly at death’s door, when I made him walk into A & E, with pernicious anaema, that had him barely able to breathe, let alone walk! Or the time, daughter had fallen off her mini bike in the front room and hit her shoulder, I put cold water on it, expecting just a bruise and it wasn’t until I picked her up and she let out such a scream, that I took her to the hospital, holding her out like an offering, begging them to stop the noise, and it turned out she had a dislocated shoulder and then there was the time….actually this list could go on and on, I am not the best person to be around in the event of any personal physical ailment!
In my defense, I treat myself the same, my typical remedies of hot or cold water, or failing that taking to your bed for a sleep didn’t seem to work. I was in agony!! I couldn't put hardly weight on it, and even had to buy some shoes that allowed me to still go out and look reasonably decent whilst containing my foot, which looked just like an elephants! Being a martyr to the cause (?! Which one is yet to be clarified!) a month later, I was still suffering. It was only when someone made a comment about my foot still looking bad. I finally admitted that I had better get myself off to hospital.
Now not one to make life simple for myself, I went to Frimley Park near where I work in Farnham, half expecting them to send me home with a flea in my ear. Can you believe it I even had my car washed (inside and out) whilst I was there, how ironic is that!
They were fabulous to me, and fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long to have it confirmed I had broken it - No wonder it hurt! It turned out that I was not allowed to drive and that meant a stay at home! (I had to ask them not to plaster it there and then and let me go to Winchester, which is closer to me).
How crap did I feel? I love my freedom and spend a great deal of time in my car travelling around seeing family, friends, etc!
Still 3 weeks later and I have learnt a number of very valuable lessons.
I have rarely asked for help, always dealing with everything life throws at me on my own, making me fiercely independent (hence the reaction to being stuck at home and not being able to drive). I have had to ask for and rely on help in getting backwards and forwards to the hospital, shopping, getting out and about and my friends and work colleagues have been absolutely fantastic. I have always felt unhappy about asking for favours, believing I was putting people out in some way.
During this time, someone said to me that in order for a relationship of any type to thrive there has to be not just giving but ‘taking’ or better still receiving, some sort of reciprocal arrangement. Imagine a bank account, where you only ever took money out to pay your bills, eventually it would go overdrawn and would reach a point where you couldn’t give any more. It needs to have some money coming back in. And so with relationships, in order to be able to give, you do need to receive something back in your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual bank or you end up ‘overdrawn’.
This accident was my way of dealing with being ‘overdrawn’.
Besides, doing things for other people that we love and care about makes us feel good, who am I to deprive them of that feeling!
From now on, I will ask a bit more often and it is a lesson that I will need to continually be reminded of, as changing a habit of a lifetime is not necessarily achieved overnight with help - ah! first reminder of asking for help! I will speak to Wendy and she can do some NLP on me!
So if you are one of life’s givers – beware! In order to continue to do that and maintain healthy relationships, you need to be able to receive too. And if this is something you find hard like me? Then maybe you have something that you believe about yourself that needs changing! Just look at the Relish website for limiting beliefs to see how you can do that easily and painlessly.
Cleaning the car is clearly a dangerous sport and from now on I will get a big strong man to do it for me!!
Actually, I should point out at this stage, that whilst I slipped off my flip flop, which in itself, I am unabashed about, it was the second part of the manouvre that finally did the damage - falling down an embankment and rolling over on the foot! Me being me, I thought what a muppet, and assumed I had just badly bruised/sprained it, and pretended like nothing much had happened – typical me. I am not good with illness or injury. Just ask my family! My poor ex-husband was nearly at death’s door, when I made him walk into A & E, with pernicious anaema, that had him barely able to breathe, let alone walk! Or the time, daughter had fallen off her mini bike in the front room and hit her shoulder, I put cold water on it, expecting just a bruise and it wasn’t until I picked her up and she let out such a scream, that I took her to the hospital, holding her out like an offering, begging them to stop the noise, and it turned out she had a dislocated shoulder and then there was the time….actually this list could go on and on, I am not the best person to be around in the event of any personal physical ailment!
In my defense, I treat myself the same, my typical remedies of hot or cold water, or failing that taking to your bed for a sleep didn’t seem to work. I was in agony!! I couldn't put hardly weight on it, and even had to buy some shoes that allowed me to still go out and look reasonably decent whilst containing my foot, which looked just like an elephants! Being a martyr to the cause (?! Which one is yet to be clarified!) a month later, I was still suffering. It was only when someone made a comment about my foot still looking bad. I finally admitted that I had better get myself off to hospital.
Now not one to make life simple for myself, I went to Frimley Park near where I work in Farnham, half expecting them to send me home with a flea in my ear. Can you believe it I even had my car washed (inside and out) whilst I was there, how ironic is that!
They were fabulous to me, and fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long to have it confirmed I had broken it - No wonder it hurt! It turned out that I was not allowed to drive and that meant a stay at home! (I had to ask them not to plaster it there and then and let me go to Winchester, which is closer to me).
How crap did I feel? I love my freedom and spend a great deal of time in my car travelling around seeing family, friends, etc!
Still 3 weeks later and I have learnt a number of very valuable lessons.
I have rarely asked for help, always dealing with everything life throws at me on my own, making me fiercely independent (hence the reaction to being stuck at home and not being able to drive). I have had to ask for and rely on help in getting backwards and forwards to the hospital, shopping, getting out and about and my friends and work colleagues have been absolutely fantastic. I have always felt unhappy about asking for favours, believing I was putting people out in some way.
During this time, someone said to me that in order for a relationship of any type to thrive there has to be not just giving but ‘taking’ or better still receiving, some sort of reciprocal arrangement. Imagine a bank account, where you only ever took money out to pay your bills, eventually it would go overdrawn and would reach a point where you couldn’t give any more. It needs to have some money coming back in. And so with relationships, in order to be able to give, you do need to receive something back in your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual bank or you end up ‘overdrawn’.
This accident was my way of dealing with being ‘overdrawn’.
Besides, doing things for other people that we love and care about makes us feel good, who am I to deprive them of that feeling!
From now on, I will ask a bit more often and it is a lesson that I will need to continually be reminded of, as changing a habit of a lifetime is not necessarily achieved overnight with help - ah! first reminder of asking for help! I will speak to Wendy and she can do some NLP on me!
So if you are one of life’s givers – beware! In order to continue to do that and maintain healthy relationships, you need to be able to receive too. And if this is something you find hard like me? Then maybe you have something that you believe about yourself that needs changing! Just look at the Relish website for limiting beliefs to see how you can do that easily and painlessly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
